i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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