She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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