we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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