i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
