I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
