You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ugly people sure do ruin things
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
