butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
