i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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