Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
