i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
