I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
