Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
