There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
