Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
