Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
