I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
