He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
