Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
