Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
