ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
false alarm, still single
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
