In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
