She tied me up with her honor cords...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
