Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
