idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Quick, to the slutcave!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i drank out of a bidet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
