This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
worst night to have a conscience
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
