Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
