I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
