thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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