dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
