your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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