My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
