I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we made out on top of his cat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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