Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
