if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
