I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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