the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
