Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
