You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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