Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
