dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
