I'm jealous of your bromance
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
