so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
