this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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