I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
