Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We need to get me chipped asap
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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