no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
