It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
