Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
