My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
