If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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